March update and the end of a period

Posted by on March 2, 2021

It’s paradoxal that something that is reviewed as highlight of the month by many (TF) fans i.e. an update of my website is unfortunatly also a personal tragedy.

Yesterday morning my cat Fleur died due to euthanasia because she was suffocating by fluid in her lungs. It wasn’t so sudden as it sounds. Fleur was suffering from a cat asthma and had sometimes severe coughing attacks. Though she had a prednisone cure some years ago for pneumonia, it didn’t make it go away. It only bought some time in the end. The last couple of months it was visible Fleur was sick and her coughing attacks went more severe.

In consultation with my vet it was advised to give Fleur small amounts of prednisone to extend her life for some time. Though she was very alert and still jumped on my desk you could notice she was slowly declining.

So I decided to give her all my love and care possible to give her a nice elderly life.

Untill Sunday evening 21st of Februari, everything was going as usual with the exception she was very short breathed and was about to suffocate. Because it was the weekends and the national curfew (part of the covid19 lockdown in the Netherlands) starting at 9 pm, I couldn’t ring the vet so I gave her a prednisone pill that I needed to push down in her throat -something not happening before-. It helped but I already had the gloomy dark question in my mind if she would make it to the next week.

Unfortunately my worst nightmare came true yesterday in the late morning. I found her upstairs coughing so badly I had to give her another prednisone pill by force. She still vomited up amounts of fluid. I went to the vet right away and the vet told me Fleur was actually suffocating and to prevent further suffering I made the decision to end her life by euthanasia – after I got a moment with her to say goodbye to her -. She is buried on a nice spot in my parents garden.

Today I know what it is to loose someone you really care for. Because I’m not good with dealing with people (and probably never will have a boyfriend) it was someone, except from some close friends and family, I could rely on when feeling depressed or just someone waiting for you at home when you got back.

My house feels empty and I know grief is the price we all pay for love. So far I have been in denial (she is still around to come home) and upset because of the frustration she isn’t anymore around. I just have give it a place and until then the updates have been postponed.

I hope for your understanding.

With kind regards,

Dutch_Bull aka Niels

Fleur (June 2009 – March 1st 2021)

2 comments on "March update and the end of a period"

My condolences on the passing of your dear friend Fleur. Pets give the best of themselves to us (unlike many people), and it is a devastating experience to lose their companionship. Mourning will be hard, but think of all the happy memories of your pet; they will help you cope.


    Thank you Apuleius.

    Truth is Fleur was ill for some time and I knew this was about to finally happen. The last couple of days I talked a lot to family and (online) friends about it and that’s a big relief. I’m sort of accustomed to the fact no one is waiting for me at my home anymore but I still miss Fleur. I have only happy memories about her and my family also told me Fleur had in my person, a good caretaker for her :3

    In time I will get a new cat from a local animal shelter but first I need some time to get used to a life without Fleur.


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